As a kid I remember being told, “Don’t be so serious,” and “You think too much”. This always frustrated me because I didn’t know how to be less serious nor did I know how to think less. I still don’t and I’m now in my 60’s. The only thing that did for me was make me think there was something wrong with me.
There are other things I have heard said to people – “grow up”, “act your age”. All of these comments come from someone who is not accepting another person’s behavior. They want that person to respond the way they do. How realistic is that? What makes them think they are the standard of comparison? It is really quite ironic for a person who only knows what they know to coax a person who only knows what they know to respond like them. The only way that is ever going to happen, possibly, is if they are identical twins and have experienced everything in their lives the same. Not likely? More than that – impossible.
We are all as unique as our DNA. We were all created individually by The Divine Creator. Anyone who reads all of Psalm 139 has no choice but to come to that conclusion. Reading it will help you to see yourself as someone special, handmade.
Have you ever seen any two people, other than identical twins, who looked the same? Take a little serious time and think deeply about that. You may resemble your mother or father, but you are a combination of them. If you have a sibling, do they look different? Do they see things differently? Do they like different things – food, colors, clothes, hair styles? How do you explain that?
Then why does someone want another person to be like them? It may be a matter of control or manipulation. Control is usually driven by fear. Manipulation is influencing for one’s own advantage. Neither of these are present in a healthy relationship.
We have standards – the Bible for sure. You may not accept that so pick something else – the law. These are standards for all of us. If we break laws we suffer the consequences. They apply to everyone regardless of background, nationality, experiences, etc. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. Everyone is entitled to a fair trial to see if the facts support the commission of the crime and then there are things like circumstances, intent, etc. that are taken into consideration.
I, however, am not a standard. As a parent I have had to make judgments regarding my children’s behavior and discipline accordingly. I was their example, their guide. There are things I would do differently today, but I don’t have that option. My children are raising their children the same way. They take what they learned from me and combine it with their experiences and what they have learned. Add their spouses to the mix and it all gets stretched.
We have all come through that which is unique to our family. How can any of us expect everyone else to be like us? None of us knows what we don’t know. Can we learn from each other? I think so. Can we accept each other’s differences? I think so. Can we agree to disagree? I think so. But this is only what I think. I only know what I know and nothing more, but I may learn something from someone today that will make me different tomorrow.
It’s taken me a lot (and I mean a lot) of years to come to accept people as they are. Their differences are what make them unique and I’m just beginning to appreciate that. Great post!
I’m still working on it. I was at a nature center in Texas a couple of months ago. A young man sat down beside me. He had spiked red hair, numerous tatoos, body piercings, etc. I felt very comfortable. I said hello to him. He said hello back. Not a long conversation, lol. Barbara, my wife, asked me later how I did with that encounter. I told her I enjoyed it. God puts us in places where we can see how has changed us. Thanks for your comment.
Tom,
I too have been told to “act my age” when I was playing with my children! How silly was that?
That was silly. I bet your children loved your playing with them. Thanks for stopping by, Carol.
Trying to make someone else like you is what my husband calls a “Pygmalian project” (like the professor tried to do to Liza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady” — remember that one?) and it should never be attempted. Of that, you are so right.
I found it helpful when I realized that not only is each of us created wonderfully and as the Designer intended, but we are each created in His image. Who are we to declare the way God made someone else a “mistake.” None of us is “big” enough to reflect His full image, so each of us reflect a small part of His image. Since He is prefect, so is each individual perfect as He created them to be.
That probably grabbed your attention. I don’t mean that we have not faults or weaknesses. That is, of course, blatantly clear. We create our own faults and weaknesses when we do not use, overuse or misuse (for bad purposes) the strengths of His image that He gave us. The good new is: if we create our weaknesses, we can also overcome them by returning to our strengths (the reflection of Him in us).
What we focus on increases, so I try to focus on that reflection of Him in me to become what He designed me to be. Then I focus on the reflection of His image that He gave to each person I meet. Suddenly, although they are different from me (because their reflection is of a different, perfect facet of God), I see them differently. I see God in them too. REFRESHING! WONDERFUL!
Blessings,
Mary Jo
Thanks for sharing, Mary Jo. I do remember, “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.” Not only are we fearfully and wonderfully made, but He has written a book on each of us. I think it will be interesting reading when we get to heaven.
Oh yes! It will be very interesting reading.
I’m in agreement with everything you said, Tom. I am a twin, but not identical. We are very close to each other, but very different in our ways.
Thank God, or we’d both be in big trouble hahahahaha…
Jay
I bet it was interesting growing up with a twin. Thanks for the comment, Jay.
I had almost the identical problem you describe in the first paragraph, Tom. It never occurred to me that the way I am is just the way God made me. Thanks for the reminder!
I have to remind myself sometimes, Bill. Thanks for stopping by.
Insightful word Tom. I beleive that a major problem with humans is the curse of comparison. And you would think that Christians would overcome this mindset but then many adapt it with a religious mindset that says we all have to be the same or we are not Christians.
Thanks for the comment, Bernard.